Psalm 1:1 - Considering Friendship

Psalm 1:1

Blessed is the man

who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,

nor stands in the way of sinners,

nor sits in the seat of scoffers…

This is an interesting way to start the Book of Jewish Hymns. Happy is the man who is discriminating about his relationships! We all have friends—we all need them. The man that is truly happy—so says the Psalmist—is one who knows that the selection of friends is an extremely important and lofty enterprise. He chooses his friends carefully. One should not choose friends based upon external and visible qualities but with greater deference to internal ones.

Good friends are loyal and long-suffering, forgiving and wise. A good friend—so says Jesus—is one willing to lay down His life for you—one who walks alongside you and stimulates and inspires the best in you—confronting like Nathan the worst in you.

Some of us are particularly social and good at relationships—drawing inspiration and strength from many acquaintances. Some of us are social hermits finding the gatherings of people particularly draining. No matter where one falls on the personality continuum—he should be careful to extend the privilege of friendship to not so many people. This is one area where discrimination is not only permissible but necessary.

In all likelihood, the Psalmist speaks from experience. He’s probably had “friends” with whom he shared much in common (externally), who became a source of great pain, abandonment and disappointment later. Probably he chose friends who were poor moral influences—and he discovered the misery of bad ones. Perhaps those ill-advised friendships became a source for many ill-advised adventures.

We know from other portions of scripture that true friendship is born of adversity—meaning not only that we can find our true friends in the midst of adversity, but also that we can find good use of them there. I wrote some verses based upon this logic:

Do you find me friend or foe?

In adversity I’ll know.

When my troubles overflow,

Then pretend friends always go. (from In A Row, on the CD It’s Alright)

What does one do when friendships turn sour—when the true nature of a person is born out in hardship? The Psalmist says—it’s ok to let them go. Often when we do, we are not only ridding our self of their deleterious influence, but by standing up for ourselves in this way—we indirectly become a more positive influence on them.

Reflective Questions:

Who are your present friends and why?

What person in history would you find the most intriguing friend to have and why?

Do you possess qualities that make for a good friend? In what areas do you need to develop to become a person worthy of authentic friendship?

Do you have, or have you ever had friends that you needed to cut off?